Thoughts on Paradise and why I love it so

I came to Paradise in the winter. What was it that made me stay here? Why did I not follow my first instincts and run back to where I came from? Why did I fall in love after a horrendous drive to get here that made me scared, furious and so tired I felt like I wanted to sleep for days when we arrived? What kept me from jumping out of the vehicle?

It was the vista that dazzled my eyes and touched something inside me that had no yet been reached. I had no idea there was anything left inside of me to be discovered. It was not the last thing I found.

Our home is wide and deep and full of air and sunshine with ocean views to our east and rough, pointy mountains to our west. In between are ranches that reminded me of small town middle America family farms owned by the 4th or 5th generation men and women and children, land that is passed down.

I spent a week unpacking, exploring, meeting my neighbors and trying to find a reason to leave and go back to my family, grown children and friends to my lovely home on the lake.

I am glad I was not successful.

Things I have held in my hands or arms or touched since I have arrived here:

Alive:

Pelicans
Walking Stick (insect)
Sierra (fish)
Jack Crevelle (fish)
Hermit Crab
Baby Chicken
Baby Rabbit
Baby Cow
Horse
Flowers
Cholla (Jumping Cactus)
Sea

Not Alive (but not necessarily dead)

Scorpion
Centipede
Crab Lobster
Seal
Dolphin
Shark
Shells
Eel
Pelicans
Cow Bones
Horse Bones
Pig (while being butchered)
Sand
Rocks
Tarantula



I love the way the beach changes everyday. I love to search the shoreline for different forms of sea life that have lost their battle with the ocean and are tossed up on the sand. The weird pieces of other peoples property that end up here like tiles, bottles, nets and even pieces of cars! Garbage to most, interesting to ponder for some.

I love seeing the mother whales and their babies breaching. I love to track the sea lions and dolphins with my telescope. I am especially thrilled with the 'fish boils' which are huge schools of sardines that form a giant ball to protect themselves fro predator fish that hunt them tirelessly from below while pelicans dive bomb them from above. All the while the sea that surrounds them boils and foams and travels up and down the shore until the sardines are just a small group and the predators and the pelicans are sated and spent.

I love the long winding dirt road behind our property the I walk down to the tremendous arroyo lined with rock walls ten stories high. There are cactus and agave and trees and plants of all kinds clinging to the sides of those walls and all manner of lizards, birds, rodents and insects make their homes in them. As I walk the arroyo floor, I come upon little oasis's where boulders have tumbled down crevices made by rushing water to become small waterfalls and pools filled with even more plants and wildlife. Flowers attract thousands of butterflies that come here to escape the harsh snows of their homeland just like we do.

I have seen and touched and experienced so many things that I knew existed but never thought I would have a chance at trying. I wake up everyday thinking,"What do I want to do today?" I go to sleep each night thinking,"How lucky am I to have this happen to me when I am still able physically and mentally to try it all.

The orange, yellow and purple dawns inspire me and the pink and sapphire blue evenings calm me. All the while the sea is the continuous background music that ranges from Heavy Metal to Bach to Sinatra playing twenty four hours a day.

I have made friends with the local ranch families and enjoy buying fresh eggs from them that carry the remnants of the mother's body still on the shells and sometimes the remnants of the father's in the yolks. I also buy the cheese from their milk cows that is rich, creamy and tastes of desert sage, sea salt, the earth and the cow. The families are close and often the grandparents are still on the property living with them. Children, there are always children. A combination of cousins and friends. The families are strong and the love runs deep and the loyalty is forever. They have family fights and sometimes do not speak but in the end, the ties that bind are made of metal and silk and will never be broken forever.

I have a feeling of peace here that is absent in my homeland. I am not fearful here as I was there. Here we pick up families or women with children and their luggage looking for a ride or old men from their broken down cars or young men get pulled out of the ditch all of which we find on the roads into town. They open the doors to our vehicles and we find new experiences through our discussions in broken English and Espanola as we take them along and drop them off on the way.

Our remote location makes neighbors stop by to let you know the propane truck is in the area or that their generator is broke down and they need help. We share trips into town for supplies or to the airport. We watch out for each other.

It is a life I remember from my childhood seldom felt as I became an adult.

I am dreaming while I am awake, imagining while I am walking and feeling my senses expand as I go about my business of living life to the fullest in a place that allows and encourages it.

The Eye of the Beholder

What is beauty to you ? Is it in a face or a flower or the scenery around you? Is it the eyes of your loved one? The face of a newborn child? The amount of your balance in your stock portfolio?

How do you interpret it? Is it the outside or the inside?

Here in paradise I find beauty everyday but I don't always appreciate it when it is always in front of me. Many times when I am feeling blue, I look around and nothing is beautiful to me. My eyes are blinded by my emotions. Yet the beauty is still there whether I perceive it or not. Though I am oblivious everyone else still sees. It is in the eyes of the Beholder.

I was once a beautiful woman. I know this because people told me so. They told me enough times that I believed them and used it to my advantage whenever I could. As I aged, less people told me I was beautiful. Those that love me continue to tell me I am beautiful, but strangers do not tell me anymore. This really bothered me. I began buying cremes and potions and took pills and tried all different exercises to make myself as beautiful as I once was. I thought I was losing my power, my ego, myself! I was shocked when I looked in a mirror and did not recognize myself anymore. Who is this wrinkled, sagging person?

In my dreams I am always young and beautiful. No matter how terrible the dream, I am young and beautiful. Sometimes I wake up thinking I still look that way and when I catch my reflection I am surprised again. Why doesn't my mind understand that my body will change? Why is it so important to me to stay beautiful. Are all women like this or am I so egotistical and insecure that it is a personal problem?

Ah, but there must be a lot of women who feel this way or there would not be so many ways to try and stop the aging process available to us to buy.

In Paradise, the people born and raised here seem to have a different approach to aging. It seems to be embraced rather than defied. The older people are revered for their knowledge and are taken care of by their families. The women continue to dress nicely and and age appropriately and still put up their hair, but I don't see them going to the extremes that the women (me included) in my homeland do.

In my homeland I see women in their 60's wearing clothing that should be worn by girls in their 20's. It is embarrassing. Yet, I find myself heading towards the shops where I have bought my clothes since I was in my 20's and have to remind myself that there is nothing there for me anymore. As I pass the windows I keep thinking, " Oh that would look so good on me!" The truth is I would look terrible in that kind of clothing now! Why can't I turn that part of me off? Why do I continue to think of my self as a young woman?

I don't think I could do the surgery for a face lift or a rear end lift but I think about it. I am too much of a wimp to get myself cut open unless it was medically necessary. Yet I still think about it.

Since I have aged, has my life really changed? I can still run (though not as fast or far and now my knees ache when I do), I can still ride horses ( though not as long a ride nor as wild a horse and I ache sometimes), I can still dance(though not many men ask me to anymore and I uncomfortable dancing alone in public as I still dance like I did when I was young and it seems wrong somehow so now I dance by myself in my house or under the full moon outside), I can still do most of the physical activities that I always did, in a modified format. Maybe that is why I never picture my self looking old. I live my life much the same way as I always have.

I am very lucky to have a man that has loved me since I was very young and still loves me today. The Husband claims that this is possible because we are aging together so the changes are so gradual as not to be noticed by either of us. It must be true because when I think of him, I don't think of him the way he looks now I think of him the way he looked when we met. I also see him that way when I look at him now. That sounds very trite and in this time of the world almost impossible but I think we were born just before all the romance went out of the world. If you look at the true meaning of romance, it means having imagination and and sentimentality. I cannot imagine being introduced as "This is ma bitch!" Although we were a part of the "This is my old lady"era, I was lucky enough to pick a man who thought those words were ugly. It is also an explanation or an excuse maybe, for the way I see myself! If he is still young in my eyes, so must I still be young in his. There is another man in my life that tells me I am beautiful all the time and that man is my Father. Though maybe this does not count because all father's think their daughters are beautiful. I guess my Son does not count either. All in all, I am lucky to have all these men around that still tell me I am beautiful. There are many women who don't have that kind of love in their lives. I just realized that I am more concerned about how the men in the world and particularly those in my life see me and have not mentioned the women! Very interesting. I don't want to deal with that in this blog. A future one maybe. Hmm.......

Somehow I have found myself finally coming around to accept my aging. I don't know when it happened. I still use creams and potions for the fun of buying them, the pretty bottles and boxes they come in and the way they make my skin feel soft. I accept that I have had my time of youth and beauty. I accept that the Husband's love and affection and his admiration of whatever beauty I have is enough for me. Whom else should I be beautiful to? I accept that I have a long wonderful time ahead of me and that it will no longer have to be based on how 'Beautiful' I need to be to feel in power or control of my life. It is no longer how beautiful I look but how wonderful I feel, how much longer I can live and what more I can experience. Will I let myself get fat or stop taking care of my skin and hair? NO! However, I accept who I am and what I look like now and I will no longer compare myself to how I used to be. It is in the eyes of the Beholder!

Beauty is also about your surroundings. I like winter, not when drags on past the time it should be gone and the tulips should be blooming but I do like snow and the cold weather that makes you wear big sweaters and build fires and drink hot drinks.

I like trudging through snow and hearing the crunching underfoot while listening to the crackling of the ice on branches being moved around by the wind. I like seeing my breath and feeling my face get cold and turn red. I like the stillness that comes in long cold winter nights.

Many people hate winter and that is why I only get to spend a little time in it. I make the compromise for the Husband who is a winter hater. The compromise is not hard for me because I get to come to Paradise when I have to leave the winter. He thinks winter is only beautiful the first fluffy snow fall. He hates the in between fall and winter days, the leafless trees, the brown lawns, the gray mornings. He hates the ice and the deep dark cold of winter. I see the beauty in all of it, I like the change. It's always in the eyes of the Beholder.

I look at old run down houses out in the country on abandoned farms and imagine them to be like old photographs that age and yellow. I see the beauty that was and imagine the lives spent living in it. Some people call them eyesores. It is in the eyes of the Beholder.

Look at some of the most kind, smart, or artistic people in the world. How many of them are beautiful? Humphrey Bogart. Even his name is ugly but Lauren Bacall fell in love with him and he was beautiful to her which made him beautiful to us. Cleopatra was not considered a beautiful woman but Caesar and Mark Anthony lost their hearts and their powerful positions in Rome because of their love for her and made her and the icon of the beautiful seductiveness of women. Eleanor Roosevelt cared for the world and tried to make life better for many people and was loved by thousands of people. It is in the eyes of the Beholder.

I love to look at beauty wherever I find it. It is what 'I' perceive that is beautiful. Not what someone else sees. It is how you feel, see and touch the world that brings beauty to your eyes, the eyes of the Beholder.

Gone to the Dogs

Meet Tonkay! He is a rancho dog. He resides at the rancho down the road from my house in Paradise. Tonkay is a pit bull with a heart of gold. Tonkay is not the brightest bulb in the box but Tonkay is the poster dog for the words,"Eternal Optimist"! Next to the 'Dog' I own, Tonkay is my favorite dog in the whole world!





Tonkay is a young strong dog who is always happy to see you. He is at the, clumsy not yet used to his own body, stage in his life. Sometimes it looks like his front end does not know what his back end is doing. His body seems to be made of iron and rubber. I have seen him run full speed into an inanimate object and not get injured. I have also seen him lie completely flat on the ground with all four legs sprawled out like a rag doll.



Tonkay is supposed to be a guard dog but always welcomes anyone that comes to the gate of his owners house. He loves all humans. But his best type of guard work is warning his owners of predators like skunks or coyotes that are roaming near the ranch house or stalking their flock of chickens. He has also warned the house residents when a snake is in the area so all in all, Tonkay is good to have around.





However Tonkey is a big pest a most of the time. When you arrive at the rancho, he comes running towards you at full speed and leaps up and plops his big dirty paws on your stomach or legs leaving behind not only sand and dirt but also a big gob of slobber and sometimes unintentional scratches from his claws as he slides down the front of your body!

Your sharp exclamation of surprise, pain and then indignation at such treatment causes Tonkay to shrink in size until he is a small crouching figure that eventually collapses into the classic pose of complete abjectation which is the 'flat on his stomach all limbs out to the sides eyes cast downward' pose where he will lay completely still until he hears the least bit of forgiveness or sympathy in your voice which will cause him to again to jump to his feet and begin leaping up on your body!

This is when you start trying to convince Tonkay to go away which is only possible by threatening him which brings on the 'abject humility' pose which starts the whole process once more. It is a vicious cycle that can only be broken by violence when you are first in the company of Tonkay.

As you make your way into the yard and up to the rancho house, Tonkay continues to wriggle and writhe at your feet so you are stumbling and mumbling the whole way. The Senora is usually the first person to greet you and when she sees you at the mercy of the rancho 'guard dog' the first word out of her mouth is "TONKAY" and not in a nice way! Tonkay immediately begins his shrinking and skulking act but still tries to entice you into petting him or at least giving him a sympathetic eye but as the Senora gets closer he spies the switch in her hand and Tonkay slinks away to a safer distance from the Senora. Then you also are safe to do your visiting or other business at the rancho.





I have come to know my neighbors at the rancho and find them to be a charming, kind, hardworking, honest family who take pride in their work and good care of their animals. They are generous to a fault and willing to help you with any situation at anytime. I buy eggs and homemade cheese from them and bring them small gifts like chocolates or fruit or alfalfa hay from town. They give me the run of the rancho to photograph the animals and the way the family works and lives. They have also let me borrow a horse to ride which brings me back to my relationship with Tonkay.



I come to the rancho to ride the Horse and I ride the Horse to relax and enjoy the scenery of Paradise without the noise of an ATV under me and sometimes my legs are just too tired to do all the walking it would take to see all the beauty here. When I first started coming to ride the Horse, my first job would be to calm Tonkay down enough to let me get to the Horse. My strenuous attempts to accomplish that goal would alert the Senora that Tonkay was bothering me which would then make her have to stop what she was doing to get the switch and come out to discipline the dog. After that, I could go to the Horse and get the him ready to go for the ride. But then I would feel guilty for making the Senora stop her work and for getting Tonkay in trouble.

The second problem is trying to ride the Horse out of the yard. Tonkay would get so excited to see me on the Horse that he would run under and around the Horses legs which made the Horse mad and then the Horse would try to kick Tonkay which would get yet another family member out to discipline Tonkay with the switch! So once more, I was feeling unhappy because I was afraid the Horse would kick Tonkay and injure him and I know the rancho owners would not have the money to take him to the vet and then Tonkay had gotten disciplined again because of me!



The good news is I finally was on the Horse and riding away. The bad news is Tonkay sneaked out and started to follow us down the road. My plan for the ride was to go to my casa, get my Dog and have him go for a walk with me and the Horse. Most of the rancho dogs in our area are pit bulls or pit bull cross breeds and almost all of them hate my Dog. I don't know why but they all want to fight him. Our Dog is not an aggresive one and will go out of his way to avoid confrontation. Pit bulls are loving family dogs but are deadly fighters and very territorial by nature so I did not want Tonkay any where near my Dog. I decided to go to my casa anyway and see if the Husband could run off Tonkay so I could continue with my plans to walk with our Dog. To make a long story short, Tonkay would not go away. Tonkay seemed so lovable and goofy I thought, oh what the heck, I will give him try with our Dog and see what happens. The Husband could stand by to break up any dog fights. As it turns out, I worried about nothing. Tonkay and the Dog were instant friends so we went out on the road for our ride.





The longer we four traveled down the road the more relaxed I became with Tonkay around. The only scary moments were when the Dog and Tonkay would get to running and playing and for some unknown reason always end up under or near the Horse's legs! That brought some tense moments to the ride. A little while latter, the Dog decided to run into the underbrush on the side of the road to check out a rabbit that had run by.

Tonkay was trotting alongside the Horse and I when we walked up to a large group of butterflies milling around the middle of the road. I have seen hundreds of them clustering around the flowering bushes on this road before. I then watched one of many such scenes to come, involving Tonkay and nature, that truly touched my heart and made Tonkay become precious to me. Tonkay put an eye on the butterflies flitting around his head and went into a clumsy, doggy ballet of leaping and running and dancing around in the midst of the butterflies!

I was at first spellbound by the sight of this goofy, powerful, dog enjoying life so much that it made him dance with delight. Next came laughter at the spectacle Tonkay and the Butterflies made for me to enjoy. Tonkay continued to make me laugh out loud on our walk that day, clowning with my Dog, running amok through the underbrush and then leaping out onto the road with that huge happy grin on his face with his mile long tongue hanging out the side of his mouth. Tonkay made that ride one of the best I have ever had. After a few outings with the four of us, me, Tonkay, the Horse, and the Dog even the Horse got to liking Tonkay and they would sniff nose to nose like good friends.





I later discovered that knowing how Tonkay would greet me everytime I came to the rancho, gave me the edge on how to stop him from leaping on me and destroying my clothes or skin. I would stoop down over the top of him and grab his great big block head with both hands and speak to him soothingly and start to pet him immediately. It made him squirm and wiggle but it also made him stop jumping. Tonkay still jumps next to me as I walk but not on me.



The more I was around him the more ways I was shown Tonkay's love of life and his tenderness to other beings. One day two abandon female puppies showed up at the rancho. Tonkay took over the role of big brother and nanny to the little girls like he was born to it. The two little puppies would run to him and he would fall to the ground so the girls could climb on his back or head and chew his tail or ears at will. Sometimes they just laid on him feeling safe and comforted as he licked them and sighed in contentment. If one became separated from him, Tonkay would worry and fret and search until the little female pup was back with him and her sister safely under his protection again.





Most of the time the rancho is quiet with only the sounds of goats, horses, cows, chickens and the pig eating, talking, scratching or rooting around. That peace is usually only broken by a loud voice crying, "Tonkay!!" and then the sound of the switch, whack whack and the plop of Tonkay hitting the dirt. He is never hurt by the switch, just sad at the discipline and Tonkay never seems to learn from or resent his lessons.

More importantly, Tonkay never gives up on any one or any thing. Tonkay is steadfast in his belief that life is always wonderful, water is always sweet and clear, a good meal is moments away, humans are always kind and loving, all animals are his friends, an adventure is just around the corner and tomorrow is another day to look forward to.



Tonkay has taught me lessons about life. I can be dark and moody and fretful sometimes. When those days come, I go to my computer and bring up a picture of Tonkay. It always makes me laugh and brightens my mood. I think Tonkay is like a guru or a spiritual leader. He is there to show me the way to a better life where I don't take my mistakes or my disappointments so seriously and instead of bemoaning my past, I should always look to the future with hope in my head and love in my heart. Not a bad philosphy to learn from a big, goofy dog.

A Day of Adventure and Reality

This day started out as a normal day. I did all of my regular routine in the morning with one exception. I was missing my children so I telephoned the one I knew would be home and able to talk to me. That was # 2 Child. #2Child was a little groggy even though it was after 9 am but that is because #2 Child is a night owl like me.

It was so very good to hear #2 Child's voice and listen to the details of #2Child's activities since our last conversation. I was also made aware of the activities of this Child's pets and horses. #2 Child was always an animal lover and when we all lived together, our houses were always full of the lost, injured or abandon animals the #2 Child would bring home. After a very nice chat I had to say goodbye and told #2 Child that the Father and I sent all of our love to #2 Child and the Fiance of #2 Child who is a wonderful human being that we adore.

Instead of my regular walk on the beach I decided to go back into the desert behind our home for a change of scenery. The Dog was confused at first as he was already heading for the beach when he saw me getting dressed. The Dog came back to me, cocked an ear my way and asked me 'what was up' with a look. I showed the Dog the knapsack and held out my hiking shoes and the Dog wagged his tail in recognition.

Our hike took us down a gravel road that leads to several small arroyos that cross it at different times. I took the first one as it is wide but not cavernous and the ground in it was dry. The sun has finally come back and it was a beautiful day. There was a small breeze that snuck along the arroyo walls to cool us and trees grew out of the rock walls and in the floor of the arroyo to offer us shade. Butterflies of every size and color were fluttering around the flowers brought out by the rains that fell during the dark cold days of the past two weeks. There is only the sound of the wind blowing and the branches of trees swaying. The sweet quiet of nature undisturbed by the noise of progress is a rare thing these days and I cherished every minute of it. The Dog is a silent walker so there was only the crunch of my hiking shoes on the sandy floor of the arroyo to add to the music of the wilderness around me.

We walked for about 3/4 of a mile or so and after many twists and turns we found ourselves in the main arroyo which runs to the south of us. I was surprised as I did not know this small arroyo emptied there. I decided to walk to the waterfall that was up ahead a ways. The Dog was very glad for this as he was very thirsty and knew that water was near.

At the waterfall I took off my hiking shoes and cooled my feet by walking along the waters path carved out in the sand. The Dog lay down in the stream and drank the water that ran between his front legs. I looked at the waterfall and the rocks it fell from and decided to leave my knapsack and hiking shoes and follow the water up stream from the falls. The Dog, who is always ready for an adventure, was more than ready to go exploring.

We climbed the rocks around the waterfall and came to a flatter area scattered with smaller jagged rocks so I immediately missed my shoes! I found a long branch and using it as a staff , picked my way along the rocks to find yet another waterfall. The stream had cut a path through some large slabs of granite that had a beautiful green mineral that ran in it. I could not resist sliding my hand along the path of the water through the rock to feel how smooth the water had polished it. We had some little difficulty here as the Dog had trouble getting a good grip on solid stone so he took to leaping up to the tops of rocks rather than trying to get good footholds with his pads and toenails. I struggled a bit as the rocks near the water were slippery with algae but managed to scramble my way up. At the top the land leveled off to a lovely spot with trees and flowering bushes and cactus with the stream bubbling all through it. There were huge slabs of rock that were flat enough to lay on and sun oneself or you could lay on three different sand bars that offered softer repose. The Dog was in no mood for lying about but I was after such a climb so I tried a rock first and then the sand bar. The rock was comfortable for a time but had a bit of an angle that I kept sliding down. The sand bar was infinitely softer and more level but the flies found me there and pestered me. I decided to follow the Dog's example and walked around a bit.

I found a great deal of cow hoof prints and dung further up the stream but have no idea how those cows could have climbed the waterfalls and rocks to get there. There must be another way into this riverbed that I will have to look for and report on another day.

The Dog and I finally agreed to head back to our casa and it seemed a very long way after all that climbing and hiking. The sun was high in the sky by then and beat down on our heads. I did not mind it too much as it had been absent for so long.

On our arrival home the Dog and I found the Husband out enjoying the sun on our patio with a good book in his hand so we joined him. I brought out oranges and we all had juice running over our hands and paws. The Dog absolutely loves oranges and will stare at me unblinking, watching my every move when I start to peel one. The Dog's rapt attention is so amusing to me that I always laugh and give a section to him. The Dog prefers the peel attached so he can first, chew the whole piece at once to get out all the juice and second, holding the peel with his paw, he uses his teeth to rip out the pulp. Other animals like our oranges too. I put out the older oranges for the Orioles on the palm trees on our patio.. The Orioles come around and work over the Hibiscus flowers first and then after more chattering , fly to the palm trees where I have secured the oranges. There they flutter and chatter and work over the fruit.

The next part of my day was spent reading a very good book about Kit Carson and the settling of New Mexico and California in the middle and late 1800's. It is a thrilling and gruesome story about man's ability to justify the near extinction of another race of man so new territory can be settled and progress and civilization can continue it's march to the Pacific ocean. Kit Carson was a very decent man who had a horrible temper and never let a wrong done to him go unavenged. It seems strange to call him decent with that big of a flaw in his character but for the times he lived in he was one of the most decent of human beings running around slaughtering Native people.

After a good read, some neighbors stopped by for a chat which was nice. They live down the road from us and had come on their ATV's as the day was too nice to be cooped up in a large truck. We chatted a bit until it was time for dinner and they left for their home and us in a very good mood.

I decided that dinner tonight would be steak and baked potato with fried tortilla strips and a good green salad. While tearing the lettuce for the salad, I noticed our neighbors Daughter down on the beach fishing and digging for crabs in the sand. The sea was calm and rolling long slow waves in to the shore line. The Pelicans were flying and diving near the young Woman as they do when they see a human fishing with bait. I turned back to my cooking and the Husband looked out to watch the Girl and see if she had caught a fish. The Husband suddenly yelled to me that a Pelican had become ensnared on her fishing line! I dropped my cookware and headed for my knapsack in the laundry room where I had left it after the Dog and I returned from our walk. I opened it and grabbed a needle nose pliers, a large long handled pliers and my trusty Swiss Army knife all of which I always take with me on my hikes in the wilderness, Just In Case!

I ran for the door and grabbed a small blanket off the end of our couch on my way. As I passed the Husband I asked if the Pelican was still on the line and he replied it was. I told the Husband to keep the Dog in the casa as the Pelican is one of the Dog's arch enemies.

I raced down the stairs that led to the beach and burst through the gate and out on to the sand. As I got closer I could see the Pelicans wing was out at an odd angle and the poor Girl was trying to get the Pelican untangled but the bird was too afraid of her to settle down. When I was closer to them I slowed to a walk so as not to frighten the bird anymore . The young Woman does not speak much English but I made my self understood that I was here to help.

Now I have never rescued a Pelican before but my good friend 'M' had told me what to do in such a situation as he had seen fisherman just cut the fishing line and leave the bird with either a hook in it's beak or hopelessly entangled in the line and left to die a slow horrible death. I was hoping I had listened well to 'M's instructions and that he was correct in his lesson.

I put down my tools and unfolded the blanket I had brought with me. I walked quietly up behind the Pelican and gently floated the blanket out over the top of the bird. As soon as the blanket fell and covered the bird I fell to my knees and held the blanket down on the sand and worked my arms around the birds body and then reached a hand up towards where I hoped it's beak would be. Pelicans are large strong birds and I did not want to hurt either the bird or myself. When I felt what I hoped was the beak I gently closed my hand around the blanket that covered it and the Pelican went still. I motioned to the Girl to get the Swiss Army knife and come to us. The Girl did as she was told and I used my free hand and pulled up the side of the blanket that had the wing wrapped up in the fishing line. The Pelican struggled a bit and then was still again. I talked slow and in low tones to the Girl and asked if the Pelican had gotten the hook anywhere in it's beak and she assured me it was only tangled in the line. We searched the wing and found the line had wrapped many times around it. I continued to hold the beak and keep the bird's body very close to mine so it would not feel the urge to struggle and make matters worse as the fishing line was still attached to the fishing pole! I used my other hand to try to loosen the line enough so the young Woman could cut it and free the wing. We were successful!! I recovered the Pelican with the blanket and then the Girl informed me the the line was also around the bird's neck! I began to feel around the Pelican's neck under the blanket and sure enough it had at least 4 loops around it's neck of line and it was very tight! I gently worked my fingers under the line and the Girl ,using much caution, finally was able to get the tip of the knife under it and cut the bird free. A feeling of great relief came over me as I sat on the sand with the Pelican on my lap under a blanket with it's beak in my one hand and my arms wrapped around it. It finally struck me that I was sitting with a wild creature in my arms whose life I had probably saved and I was unwilling to let it go so soon. It was not what I had imagined it would be. Usually when you walk near Pelicans there is a horrible smell of rotting fish around them and they are very ugly creatures when they are not flying. Strangely enough this Pelican was warm and smelled like the sea and it's feathers were uncommonly soft to the touch. I wanted it to like me and follow me home and sit on my patio with me and follow me and the Dog down the beach on our walks soaring over us like a bomber on patrol of the skies. All this ran through my mind in just seconds and then I knew I had to let it go. I got to my knees with the bundled Pelican still in my arms, released my hold and pulled off the blanket in one move. The Pelican looked around at us spread it's wings and jumped into the air and glided off over the sea and landed amongst it's kin and never looked back.

I gave the Swiss Army knife to my neighbors Daughter in case of future pelican accidents. I gathered up my things and ran for my casa. The Husband was impressed and the Dog could not stop sniffing me and the blanket for a long time and I was elated. I talked too fast and breathed too hard and almost hyperventilated. Then the next thing I knew, I was back in my kitchen making a salad and a steak and some baked potatoes and my day of adventure was done.

PS Dear 'M', Thank you for the instruction on saving a Pelican from fishing line and hooks etc. Muchas Gracias and Abrazos !!!

The Incredible Lightness of Being

Today is the 3rd day of cloudy skies , gray rough seas, strong winds and cold temperatures. It is beginning to affect my moods and my energy. I find myself wanting to sleep all day or just experiencing a fuzziness in my thinking process. If I venture outside at all it is to stand on the veranda, look out over the water and heave great sighs of melancholia.

How important is sunlight or bright light or light in general to Humans?

What sets the general tone of happiness when communicating to other Human Beings?

If you walk into your local coffee shop and greet the barista with, "Isn't is a beautiful rainy, gray day outside. I woke up feeling so good!" The barista will think you are a crazy person. Ain't no sunshine when your gone, another example of the bad way we feel without the light. Your loved one leaves you and so does the sun. You are in the dark all alone.

So our loved ones are the light of our lives, our children are the light of our hearts and even our religions use light to show us the way. Our Savior is the light of the world.

Light is used to make us feel safe so we sleep with a night lite on when we are children. We have security lights installed on our homes when we want to feel secure when we sleep as adults.

Recently there was a rise in an old fashioned disease called Rickets. Rickets was on the rise again in the black communities of the south because they were using sun block on the children to prevent them from getting skin cancer but it also prevented the sun from getting vitamin D into their systems via their skin and the children developed Rickets! So light is essential to our health.

We use light in art and to decorate our houses and to watch our sports at night.

We cannot live with out it in every aspect of our existence.

I hope the light comes back to Paradise soon. I want to go outside and play in the sun with the Dog on the beach and come into the house with a red nose from an exposure of too much sunlight not from a wind burn!

Remembering First Times

My day usually begins with a hug and kiss for the Husband and the Dog respectively. The I stagger to the bathroom and follow the regular routine followed by most normal human beings. Toilet, hands, teeth, hair and clothes.

I head next to the computer to check out the emails, news, and weather for the day in Paradise, where I am now and Home where I live the rest of the year. While my computer is booting up I head for the kitchen and make a cup of green tea and then I mix a bowl of organic yogurt, raw whole oatmeal and organic raisins. I eat and drink in front of the computer out on the veranda overlooking the ocean while I read and answer emails etc.

After all that it is time to take an invigorating swim in the sea and then take a long walk down the beach with the Dog. Today I am wondering if the swim is worth it. Our normal weather here in Paradise is 80 degrees above zero, sunny skies, calm mornings, breezy afternoons followed by a cool calm night with a billion stars in the sky. Today the weather is more like a day on Martha's Vineyard with cloudy skies, cold wind and a choppy gray sea! I decide not to wimp out and plunge into the water while the Dog takes off on a pelican control mission patrolling the beach to keep the humans safe from marauding pelicans. Or so he says!

After only a few minutes I am out and feeling like I just spent a round in the boxing ring with a light heavy weight for a sparing partner. The waves were brutal! I am shivering and the Dog is leaping around me waiting for the long walk. The Dog has peemail messages to leave for the coyotes and rancher's dogs and needs to get the show on the road so to speak. I am toweling my hair and waiting for my heart to resume a normal beat pattern. As I dry off my arms and legs, I notice the gooseflesh on them and it reminds me of the gooseflesh I had almost exactly one year ago when the Husband and I were loading the Vehicle to head out on the road to our new home in Paradise.

We are carrying the clothes carrier out our front door to secure it to the roof of the Vehicle(a big monster, 4 wheel drive all the time, reinforced steel doored, able to drive over a small building etc. etc.) and when we get to the Vehicle we realize that the carrier which is filled with all the clothes we are bringing to our new house in Paradise is too heavy for two middle aged people to hoist up on top of a monster Vehicle! We take the carrier back into the house, unpack it, and carry it back out to the Vehicle. We then go into the garage and get two small step ladders and go back out to the Vehicle. Up goes the carrier and the bottom half gets secured and the top half is taken off and put back on the ground. Back into the house goes the Husband to start carrying out all the previously carefully folded and packed clothing so I can repack it in the carrier now safely ensconced on the roof of the Vehicle. I am standing on one of the stepladders and packing in the clothes when I find out that,
1. The Husband is not being very careful about keeping the clothes folded that he is carrying out to me.
2. I have to refold the clothes and pack them in the carrier while standing on the step ladder.
3. I am unable to reach all parts of the carrier from the perch on the step ladder and now must climb up onto the roof of the Vehicle to pack the carrier safely so said carrier does not fly off from the roof of the Vehicle and deposit our clothing over many miles of highway so....
4. Up on the roof I go causing the Husband to have to climb up the step ladder to hand me the clothes.

The rest of the day resembles the pattern set in the morning with the clothes carrier episode. Everything we thought we had planned so carefully weeks in advance seemed to go wrong. At approximately 7:30 pm I was lying on my back on our driveway underneath a boat trailer with a flashlight in one hand and the other trying to figure out why the ball of the trailer hitch on the Vehicle would not fit into the receptacle of the trailer. The Husband is lifting up the tongue of the boat trailer that is carrying two big wave runner water craft fastened securely (we hoped) and putting it on and off the ball as I shout out directions from underneath!

Finally about 9:00 pm we are completely packed and ready to leave. The Husband wearily turns to me as we stand in our kitchen and asks if a hot shower and a good nights sleep and an early departure time for the next day would be in order after all we had gone though. Much to his surprise I say, "NO!" " If we don't leave now there is no telling what will happen to us by tomorrow. Let's just get out on the road, put about 250 miles behind us, find a motel, sleep late in the morning and start again tomorrow and go till we can't go anymore."

The Husband is astounded! Is this the woman who was so totally against the whole semi retirement to a place in a foreign country on the beach in one of the remotest places in that country thing that it took him almost 6 months to convince her to just try it? Well yes, it is me!

I sat in our kitchen tired as hell and reflected on our day. We had worked so hard together to get everything ready and we had a pretty good time doing it. I could stay here one more night. I could have stayed here the rest of my life. Our house is beautiful sitting next to a nice little lake. Our kids are grown and moved out but still close enough to see whenever we want to, my parents and the rest of my family are also close by and I love to spend time with them. My girlfriends and I get together often for dinners to discuss books and politics and our Husbands and children. It is a darn good life here. However, when will I do it if not now? We have our health and our love and why not start one more adventure?

So we get into our Vehicle with the Dog in half of the back seat with his toys and dishes and blanket. The other half filled with a cooler with our drinks and healthy snacks like fruit and cheese and veggie sticks. Next to it are my cameras, purse, makeup bag, cases of CD's and a plastic file protecting our important traveling papers. In the far back of the Vehicle is the Dog's kennel, more camera gear, extra dog food, and things for our house in Paradise that are fragile and practical. In the front seat on the dash board is a photo of our destination with the phrase "Keep your eyes on the prize!" written below it and a travel log with a leather cover and an old world map on the inside page with an inscription from a dear friend wishing us a safe journey and reminding us to come back home again.

So, the Husband and I are buckled to our seats and are driving down the driveway and I feel the gooseflesh on my skin and it reminds me of the other first time we left our home state. We had been married 3 days when we packed up a different Vehicle, kissed our families and friends goodbye and left for another life in a place four states away from where we were born and raised. I had only been outside our home state one time before when I was 13 years old and the family went on at driving vacation to visit friends in the state next door. Now I was scared and excited and wondering what life would be like with the man beside me in the driver's seat.

They say life is a circle and I can attest to the truth in that statement. I have come around again
Older inside and out, still in love with the same man like the first time we left together. Scared and wondering what life will be like with the man beside me in the driver's seat. Both times were and have been so so good.

I look around at Paradise in the rough due to the weather and it is still beautiful. I shout for the Dog who is investigating a crab hole in the sand and we head out on our walk on the endless beach.